Adieu

Looming cloud drifts away,
Clearing for a new rainbow,
Wishing you good tide,
All the very best,
Drifting away without a trace.
As though I never existed,
But with memories as sweet as ever.
That lurks in deepest corner,
Will always stay in my heart.

My Grandfather's Chevalier Award

My long lost heritage,
Cherished and caressed you,
Bringing a smile to me, every time I stare at you,
Adorning a gold frame and scorning at me mightily,
Placid in my grandma’s drawing room.
Grew up gazing at you, curiously,
From the day I was born.
Both you and I go grow old day by day,
Realizing what you were,
Exuberated in joy.
Will Cherish and caresses you,
Till you shrivel.

Hurry they said, Preserve the Precious,
You swayed in mirth, at their folly,
Continuing to wither and wilt,
Holding on to your glory,
Till whoever completes the race first,
Either you or I!

More at
http://perpetualthinkings.blogspot.in/2011/12/varadha-veerappanchevalier-et-officer.html

Women's Web Contest

This is my entry for Women's Web -My Favourite Female character.

My favourite female character is Draupadi from Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's Pallace of Illusion.

All I know of great epics, from my small age of Draupadi, was sweet, fair lady and that role played by Roopa Ganguly in doordharsan's Mahabharat and gaping at the sweet baby face of Arun Govil in Ramayanam. All our school note books in 80s had ramayanam labels on it.

Chitra Banerjee has given Draupadi a powerful voice, its as if Panchalli is telling us her story. The original Panchalli is dark and attractive, fiery, wild tempered, haughty princess not the stereotypical docile, "fair" beauty that we get to see on TVs.

But this character has come a long way from her lonely childhood, with her beloved brother Dhri as her only companion and shares a special bond with Krishna, her childhood friend to her tricky marriage to Pandavas. Strangely, both of them are misled by the belief that they are born to fullfill their destiny- Panchali to bring about a war and Dhri to kill Drona.

This fiery princess surprisingly meekly accepts Kunti's decision(fooled by Vyasa's prediction of her life) of her being married to all Five Pandava Princes. This is where destiny changes her life...

Oh how she loves Karna. If only she had not insulted him at her swayamwar(which she does because of a strange folly and fate), her life would have gone in a different direction.

Those sad, ancient, unsettling eyes, his battered knuckles that she wished to touch and own. That forbidden love that she secrets for Karna even after her marriage. She goes to Duryodhana's palace just to catch a glimpse of Karna, without knowing the danger that awaited her and be shamed there. She cries over his death, finally the reader of the book, is at peace, by knowing that they get united in heaven.

Karna from his end, equally loves her. When the Panchalli and husbands live in exile for 12 years, he sleeps on the floor, refusing any comforts because Panchalli suffers in the forest. They continue to love each other, unknown to each other.

Her feelings at the time of his death- “It grew into a great radiance around me. A feeling emanated from it that I have no words for. It wasn’t sorrow or rage. Perhaps, freed of its mortal bondage, Karna’s spirit knew what I hadn’t ever been able to tell him.”

She sows vengence and reaps the bloody fruit of it. She loses her father, brother and her five sons in the war.

Sometimes we feel sorry for her, though married over five times, she doesnt find true love in her marriage. Bheem is the only one, who loves her, though her other husbands treat her with respect. She is passed like a drinking cup from one husband to another.

Panchalli choses her husband over her kids, when they leave for exile. Overcome with anger,lust and vengence to bring about the war, she goes along with them, so that they remain focussed and bring about the calamity.

All throughout their 12 years of exile, she remains with her matted hair, to constantly taunt her husbands of their failing to rescue her at the utmost time of her humilation.

Again after their exile and war, she longs to cherish and bond with her children, regretting their childhood that she had missed, so deeply. But fate plays a cruel hand here, Snatches them away from her forever...

All throughout her life she struggles for status, power and in the end, those were mere illusions. She dies alone and abandoned at the end.

This book leaves the reader contented, reading about a woman's initimate feelings, whom the world calls a Kritya. Read this book, you will change your view about Panchalli.

Air air everywhere, not a single bout for me....

To make a long story short, I broke my nose. It was swollen and I couldn't Smell or Taste any food. It was BLANK for me. See, I didn't worry about my nose, it was food that mattered here. How could I live for an eternity, without tasting chicken, prawns or fish..

Two days, I was shivering with fright, covered in quilts and in bed. Too frightened, Whatever I ate, came out both ways. The old lady in my house tried to lure me with specially cooked spicy liver fry. It was just looking plain without any special odour. Spend the whole day in toilet out of fear. Nothing was going inside, it was only coming out.


What a bad karma, oh God.. my own toilet was not smelling to me..........

At night, my nose played a trick. Each side I turned, the bone moved to that side, blocking air way out of the other side. More fear....
I told my dear husband. The bone is lose, its moving this way and that way.

Frantic I called 2 of my medicos' friends, one was in cinema watching Ravan film. Didnt pick. Desperate, I messaged-"I'm dying". It worked. Another was in emergency room.

My friend Devi picked up and said:

"There are 2 outcomes A and B.
A is worst case scenario. B is positive
Lets hope its B, but still not rule out A.
It has to be either A or B.
Same time, lets not downsize A's possibility
Nevertheless its A or B, is not conclusive,
Lets wait for one more month"

Cool girl, You deserve a kiss for scaring the wits out of me.

My mom was more sweeter in scaring me. One of her office colleague had lost his sense of taste. That had the desired effect in me. My sis phoned and told me that she has read Kanda Sasti Kavasam 6 times for me. My nose will soon be alright. My mom asked me to listen to Shanmuga Kavasam. My home computer was blaring day and night with Shanmuga Kavasam in my otherwise atheist house. My neighbours gave us a weird look.

My mom told me that, "Lord Muruga has miraculously healed Pamban Swamigal's broken leg". My mom assured me, that god would heal it miraculously and still believes it.


Oh Maa Kali, you wrote on Kalidas tongue and made him learned person. Please come down with your thirusool and touch/dig and heal my nose...


Remember the tamil film Kandasamy, devotees throng to a place and tie their queries to a tree. Like that, a tree exist in kolanjeappar temple. My plea got placed to that god, as well, by my concerned mom.


Finally, after 4 days, a Small Whiff of Smell came in occasionally.

Like a baby, hearing its voice for the first time and experimenting it with delight. I went around the house and smelt every odd thing possible from recking garbage to onions, shoe polish, cinamon, cardamom, kitchen drain.. everything expect chaddis.. Getting excited at every baby step.

Silent prayers:God, Please don't make this person, who is reading this disgusted and hate me.


Wow, I can get something faint into my nostrils.


The septum got deviated and the bones where your specs rest, slightly moved down, as I did not operate it immediately. Planning it at my own sweet pace after 8 months. I already had a septoplasty four year back, so it broke easily.

Alter Ego

I flew a little kite,
Painted it with hues so vivid and bright,
So proud of its beauty,
Soared it high and haughty,
Wind blew against her little face,
Tiring her, in full pace,
Branches gnawed and clutched,
A Tide high and wretched,
Washing her colors,

Back she came as a shattered piece,
Tainted with mud and grease,
Drained of her color,
Embraced her lovingly and kissed her pallor,
Sewed her back together,
With my nerves, so strong,
Never again to go wrong,
Filled her with blood so pure,
Painted her back in tears of gold for sure,
Flew her more high than ever,

If you ever, come across a little kite,
On a lonely site,
Wave to my little cherub.

Drop by Drop of Happiness

Down she came with her dainty small steps, at first,
With her anklets jingling and pattering,
Drenching her lover’s quest,
Soaking him, with all her might,
He, lustily heaved out a waft of sweet earth breath.


The little boys, happy to be let out,
Joyfully and muddily,
With their paper boats,
In wavy lanes, born out of this union,
Mysteriously filling every crevices of his, with her happiness.


Gently she ruffles,
Sending out a pleasant breeze,
With the old and young smiling and breathing pure love,
Couples huddling for warmth,
There she crafts her magic wishfully,
Placing the seed of life on earth.

Whispers to the Wind

Read it as a beautiful verse and forget it. Nothing to hurt or upset anyone. This had been lying in my drafts for a long time. I neither wanted to publish it nor delete it. Pass on to my other new post.

Sleep little one,
Your eyes tightly shut,
Hands clasped,
In God’s little world,
With little heavens like you.
To there, only innocent souls venture.


I dreamt a dream
Drizzy with frenzied happiness,
Though for a brief moment,
But to last a life time.


Holded you briefly,
Kissed you,
Till my heart ached,
Wishing a hundred times,
That how different it would be,
If you were here.


Sleep little one,
Gently snore your pains away,
Till its time for you,
To bubble in me.